Ten Better Ways to Discriminate

It’s pretty clear lately that the only way we Americans like to classify people is solely by their politics.  If you pay attention, pretty much ANY behavior from eating pineapple on your pizza to being a proud pedophile all traces back to whether you’re a republican or a democrat.  There are no in-betweens – you’re either all one or all the other.  You can’t be a centrist, a moderate republican or even apolitical.  Sorry, but that just won’t do for most people these days.  People now judge the entirety of your being; integrity, intent, and worth SOLELY by how you vote.

I think there’s a better way.  I use other binary criteria to discriminate with whom I associate.  Here are some of ‘em:

1.  Toilet paper roll over or under.  If you’ve ever owned a precocious cat, the answer is definitely under.

2.  Warner Brothers or Disney.  If you like even one Disney thing, you’re dead to me.

3.  Paper or plastic.  Either way you’re a useless scum that hates the environment and wants dirty water and worldwide smog as thick as pea soup.  Don’t deny it – you despise nature.  And babies.

4.  Round earth/flat earth.  This one’s easy.  If you think the Earth is flat, you’re a fucking idiot.

5.  Dog person/cat person.  This one’s easy too.  Doesn’t matter – everybody wins! 

6.  Religion.  Not gonna go there.  Ever.  People will kill you over that kinda shit.

7.  FM Radio or AM radio.  Wait, there’s still AM radio?

8.  Yea or nay?  Pineapple on pizza.  (This is almost as divisive as politics these days.)

9.  Did you make your bed this morning or did you leave it a mess?  If you left it a mess, you’re a god-hating, good for nothing, useless turd and if you made your bed this morning like I do, you’ve obviously got a first-class ticket to heaven.  That one’s pretty clear cut.

10. Are you a dick to people or not? 

Yeah, that last one is kinda what I’m getting at.  None of these other criteria really matters if you’re consistently a jerk to people.  I really don’t care how you roll your toilet paper, who you voted for, or any of the other discriminators I listed above.  If you treat people with respect and kindness, none of that other shit matters

I still think Bill and Ted said it most succinctly “Be excellent to each other.”  That’s not just enough, that’s everything.

Battle of the Trek Geniuses II – The Second Day

I started off with good intentions a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… Wait, wrong franchise. It all began long before your sun burned hot in space… Damn!  Right franchise, but Frank used this one last time. Ahem… A couple months back, Frank and I finally decided to get off our collective center seats and write the follow up to the wildly popular “Battle of the Star Trek Geniuses.” I diligently went through the episode list writing … Continue reading

On The Eighteenth Anniversary of 9/11

I almost didn’t re-post this. Nearly every year, I have. It always refreshes my memory far too realistically and emotionally.  Just now, I re-read it and I realized that’s the whole reason I re-post this in the first place — so that I don’t forget how I felt that day.  So at the risk of being repetitive, here it is.  — Dan I wrote this back in 2009 in response to all the “Where were you when 9/11 happened?” questions … Continue reading

The Battle of the Star Trek Geniuses II – the Wrath of the Guest Stars!

Back here and here, Frank Simons, actor, LA Dodger fan and fellow Star Trek genius formalized our love of (nearly) all things Star Trek by each listing in writing the ten favorite episodes of The Original Series – not the best or the most revered, but the ones WE each liked the best.   Ever since, we’ve been trying to coordinate our second installment of the Battle of the Star Trek Geniuses.  Since I went first last time, Frank gets first … Continue reading

Just #!&^ing Stop

So as many of you know from my non-stop and regularly scheduled gloating, I’m retired.  I’m now allowed by statute to yell “Get off my lawn!” to people who get on my lawn.  I’ve not yet gotten to the point of calling anyone younger than 60 a young whippersnapper, a term which I never really understood, but I’m reading a book on my Kindle about how to be an effective curmudgeon.  I’ll get there.  Give me a minute or two, … Continue reading

Nerd Alert! This is a Ham Radio Post

I’ve been doing this ham radio thing for about a year and a half now.  I have a couple more observations to add to the blog post I wrote last year. 1.   The amount of learning required to get started is not massive.  You can get started with a relative minimum of technological knowledge and if that’s all you want, you can do quite a bit.  But… If you want to get really good at it or learn the nitty, … Continue reading

Emmett’s Letter to the Family

Quoted for posterity in its entirety from the lovely and talented Beth Geyer’s Facebook page. Emmett’s feeling much better and wrote this lovely letter to thank us for taking such great care of him. He’s the sweetest! “DEAR FAMILY, I WRITE THIS IN ALL CAPS, NOT SO IT’S EASIER TO READ, BUT SO YOU CAN TELL I’M YELLING. MY DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOU THIS WEEK KNOWS NO BOUNDS. FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU. ALL I DID WAS VOMIT ALL OVER … Continue reading

One Month In

After months of house hunting, mortgage applications, moving company disasters, long-distance commuting (sorta), unanticipated major home repairs, government administrivia and last-minute projects at work, I’m finally retired.  Again. I’ve told folks for years that the eight months after I retired from the Army were the best months of my life.  While that’s only a slight exaggeration, not working for those eight months was wonderful.  I could see a movie in the middle of the day, schedule medical appointments at my … Continue reading