The "I Hate to Blog" Blog

I wrote this back in 2009 in response to all the “Where were you when 9/11 happened?” questions and recollections that were being circulated around the Internet.  I’ve reposted it many times in the hope that I’ll continue to recall not just the horrific facts of that day’s events, but the feelings with which I associate it.  To this day whenever I hear replays of the news broadcasts of that day, the feelings, anguish and anger can be nearly overwhelming.

Even though I wasn’t near any of the three places that were scarred forever by the acts of a few, 9/11/2001 changed my life in ways that I could not have imagined then and which I sometimes don’t believe even now.  Regardless, I will never shake the feelings that 9/11 evokes in me nor do I ever want to.  More importantly, I wish that all of us could share the unity, resolve and dedication to our nation and our common defense that we all felt in the days and weeks following that awful day in 2001.

“So, do you think the Army’s going to call you up because of this?”

“I sure as hell hope so.”

That was the big question my supervisor at the E! Channel, where I was working at the time, asked me on 9/11. While I did eventually get called up, I’d gladly give up all the financial and professional gains which resulted if it had never happened. But that’s not what these words are going to be about.

I was awakened that morning by a phone call from my mother-in-law who told us in frantic, disjointed words that something bad was happening. As a native New Yorker, she was understandably shaken at learning that Manhattan was under attack. The message was related to me by my spouse at the time who slammed into the bedroom and shook me awake and said “Wake up! The Pentagon’s under attack!”

I got up, rushed to the TV in a groggy stupor and saw the story as it was still in chaos. Information was rolling into news agencies willy-nilly and much of what was heard and reported was unconfirmed. I dressed and hurried to work in the Wilshire District in LA, near the La Brea Tar Pits. The streets of Los Angeles were relatively deserted – not empty as they were during the LA riots in 1992. But it was clear that people were staying home. Businesses closed for the day and many more operated on essential staff only. Which is why I was going to work.

When I arrived at E!, I could see that many of the national cable networks which shared our satellite space had either gone dark or were carrying coverage from one of the big three networks. It was at that moment that the enormity and the immediate practical impact of this event on this Nation became apparent. Even commerce stopped for a time – shopping networks were carrying round the clock news coverage. Sports channels and others had full-screen graphics up telling people to tune to a network broadcast and follow the news.

One of the positive things about working at a TV network with all measure of high-tech TV equipment is that we could monitor as many TV stations as we had monitors. And we had plenty. CNN, Fox, ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC all raced to get pictures and firsthand accounts of the unfolding tragedy on the air. I flipped back and forth from moment to moment and channel to channel trying to find the best pictures. No one had a lock on the best, so it was back and forth from channel to channel.

As for what I was doing in between times, E! was trying to decide whether to take coverage from a major news network or stay with the on-air schedule without regard to the situation. My job was to design on-screen graphics in support of either option. Ultimately, E! chose to stay with their own programming rather than switch to one of the majors. I will not debate that decision, but I will observe on my own behalf that I had no interest in entertainment fluff at that point, and I couldn’t imagine anyone else feeling differently.

From the moment it sank in just what was going on, my heart was heavy, but my fists clenched in preparation. When my terrific boss, Ken Mason, asked me if I was going to get called up, not only did I hope so, but I was hoping it would be within the hour. For the rest of the day, most of us sat in network control going about our business with about as much feeling as the machines supporting us. It was quiet and the sounds of our air signal were mixed with the sounds of the coverage coming from ancillary equipment racks where the carnage of the day was being replayed over and over.

I would be many months before I actually got called up and reported here to Washington, D.C. in January, 2002. I spent the next 71 months assigned to the Pentagon in various assignments, some 9/11 related and others not.

A year after the attacks, our office moved into the rebuilt section of the Pentagon and shortly thereafter, the small indoor memorial and chapel was opened. Whenever I thought I was being unfairly put upon, I’d stroll the 30 seconds down the E-ring to the 9/11 memorial and stand for a minute or two.

It gave me perspective in two profound ways. It made me recognize that getting picked on that day wasn’t really so bad, and that any one of these people whose biography and photo were in one of two books would give anything to be in my predicament. Alive. Within reach of those about whom they cared. And it humbled me. Standing there for only a moment made me remember why I was there and that I had better do the best job I could.

Eight years have passed since the attack on our Nation. Today, while driving into my civilian job, I listened to replays of the coverage from that day and remember what it felt like that day. How shocked and horrified. How angry. How resolute. I suspect that will never change. I suspect that I’ll always feel the intense mix of emotions on this day. And I’ll fight back the tears on this day just as I did on this day eight years ago.

For many, the feelings we experienced that day have already escaped us, relegating the horror of the day to a collection of historical facts, figures and stately memorials to those who perished. It is right that we recall the facts and honor those who were murdered that day. However, it is my wish that somehow the shock, horror, anger and resolution I felt – that most everyone felt that morning – stay with us and unite us as it did on 9/11 and in the shadows of that day.

Eight years hence, we find ourselves a divided Nation when in truth, there’s so very much more about us that is alike than those things which divide us.

I wish we weren’t so divided and I have no solution as to how to unite us. I just know that we have it in us. The days following September 11, 2001 were some of America’s finest.

Remember what that was like. Not just today on this horrific anniversary. But every day.

It would serve us all well.

I’ve been reluctant for many years to write online about politics.  I used to say that I was too conservative for my liberal friends and too liberal for my conservative friends.  With all the polarization of politics in the last twenty years or so, I really didn’t – and still don’t – want to alienate myself from the few friends I have because of politics.  I have always believed there’s more to a person’s character than politics and judging someone over who they voted for was ridiculous.  Despite the degree of polarization today, I stand by this. 

I’ve told this story many times and if you’ve heard it, I apologize for the repetition.  Probably twenty years or so, I was sitting at the bar at the Fort Belvoir Golf club with a colleague.  We got to talking about politics and had a lively – but friendly discussion whilst consuming an adult beverage of some sort.  Probably beer. 

When we got around to talking about universal health care, of course, as a card-carrying Republican at the time, I repeated the talking point, “Why should I have to pay for someone else’s health care when I worked to make sure that I had enough for me and my family?”  I was declaring myself a member of the “I got mine and the hell with anyone else!” club. 

He said “Look, if I can give up a few bucks so some people can have health care, why wouldn’t I do that?” 

Why, indeed?

Perhaps I inferred something that wasn’t intended, but I suddenly realized that the position I was advocating was a very selfish position.  The realization that I was selfish hit me like a ton of bricks, and I didn’t like how that felt. 

When I was a little kid, my mom scolded me for being selfish and I was embarrassed and felt as though I let her and the family down.  I developed an unhealthy need to be not selfish, which followed me into adulthood.  Somehow, though, that didn’t follow me into political discussions.  My colleague’s words and the inference that I was being selfish embarrassed me just as it had when I was little.  That’s when everything started to change for me. 

I didn’t want to be that selfish person.

I started really listening to the talk radio hosts that I listened to – all conservatives, I might add – and learned that a lot of what I was hearing was hyperbole, selfish, and heartless.  And then I stopped listening.

Over the ensuing years, and the changes in the Republican party starting with the Tea Party, I changed my attitude about politics.  I still believed in small government, a strong military, fiscal responsibility, and personal responsibility as I do today.  These are traditionally Republican values, but so much has changed with the Republican party that they seem to have fallen by the wayside in favor of selfish, heartless values. 

In rewatching “The Newsroom” on Max, I encountered a scene in which Will McAvoy, the lead character and anchor of a fictional cable news broadcast said this:

“No, I call myself a Republican ’cause I am one. I believe in market solutions, and I believe in common sense realities and the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that’s about it. Problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st century. But most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that I have to hate Democrats.”

I found truth in those words.

To be clear, I don’t hate Democrats, and I don’t hate Republicans.  Let’s get that straight right now.  I don’t hate anyone who treats me with the dignity and respect that we all deserve.  I don’t choose my friends based on who they voted for in the last election.  Your politics don’t matter to me as long as you’re not being a dick to me or anyone else.

Unfortunately, I see nothing but dick moves coming from the current administration.  When did Americans start hating so much.  We used to be a compassionate nation.  When did we become so selfish and heartless? 

I am all for legal immigration, but I am not so selfish and as to upend and ruin the lives of millions of people willy nilly and deport them to countries that are genuinely dangerous and with which they have no relationship.  Yes, I would have preferred that they all enter the U.S. legally, but they are here now, and most are paying taxes and contributing to society.  Why are we being so selfish and heartless? 

Free trade is now dead and the only people who will be hurt by this are the poor and middle classes.  They will pay more for goods because of new tariffs that were applied willy nilly.  When did we become so selfish and heartless as to make living more difficult for the poorest of us?

And what of the cleansing of history that is coming from the elimination of DEI provisions that encouraged Americans to embrace diversity instead of abhorring it.  When did we become so selfish and heartless and afraid of our history as a nation to erase American history in favor of one man’s vision of an exclusively white America?

According to CNN on July 5, 2025, the latest budget legislation signed into law on July 4, 2025, creates new spending and declines in tax revenue.

“…the measure cuts $1 trillion from Medicaid, along with cuts to food assistance. But it will still, according to an analysis from the Congressional Budget Office, add $3.3 trillion to the federal deficit, which does not include the cost of servicing the debt.”

This will disproportionally affect those who can’t afford health insurance because of poverty and the disabled who rely on Medicaid to survive.  A compassionate nation would not allow its most vulnerable population to have life-saving benefits to be terminated.

And since this was first written, the “big beautiful bill” is now law.    

And now Iran has been provoked.  I can’t imagine Iran taking their lumps and moving on. I believe it’s more likely that Iran will bide their time, wait for the U.S. to become complacent again, and then retaliate.  I could well be wrong about this. However, the risk of retaliation is real.  Had we not destroyed their nuclear capability, the risk of retaliation would be much lower.  And we will never have real knowledge of the extent of the damage until neutral inspectors are allowed to do their jobs.  It is possible that the strikes did not obliterate Iran’s nuclear ambitions.  But I know they sure pissed them off.

And what of the separation of powers?  Why isn’t the entirety of Congress screaming about the Executive Branch usurping the Constitutionally assigned powers of the Legislative branch of government? Why are they permitting the Executive Branch to rule by executive order?  Congress is collectively too afraid of what Trump can do to their chances for reelection to protect Congress’s powers.  They are collectively ignoring the checks and balances defined in our Constitution in favor of their reelection.  And I see their power slipping away more and more every day.  One day, once the Executive Branch consolidates all the power that they can, Congress will serve no real purpose.

I oppose Mr. Trump and those in his administration who appear to be doing intentional damage to both the reputation of the United States of America as a haven for the oppressed, and to the system of government that has made our nation and our economy the envy of the rest of the world.  They have transformed nearly overnight the U.S. into a heartless and selfish nation. This is not the kind of nation we have been and not what I believe we ought to be.  Just like that moment that I decided that I didn’t want to be that selfish and heartless person, I don’t want the U.S. to be a selfish and heartless nation.

I encourage all Americans to resist the reshaping of America from the land of the free and home of the brave, into a nation solely concerned with fiscally running itself right into the ground. Our nation has always used our abundant resources to be globally compassionate and selfless to those less fortunate.  We are among the wealthiest nations in the world.  We should act like it through domestic and foreign aid programs.  

I encourage all Americans to continue to recognize that diversity is a strength not a liability and to resist those who want to change history.  

I encourage all Americans to support the notion that the rule of law is paramount to the American experience and Americans must resist the migration away from the rule of law to the rule of one man.  America is a representative republic and not a dictatorship.

At least it wasn’t.  But now, I am not so sure.

Resist.