1. Just because I’m having a shitty day doesn’t mean you have to.
2. Relationships are like cell phone calls. Sometimes the connection is clear. Other times you just get dropped.
3. Why are all those clams so goddamn happy in the first place?
4. As of this moment, I’d much rather have a rhino than a rhinovirus.
5. In just a few weeks, my Prius will have been driven enough miles to have made it 0.8373280860773272 of the way to the moon.
6. I have new camera fever.
7. I have new phone fever.
8. I have a fever. (See item 4.)
“Dammit, Spock. I forgot to charge my communicator!!!”
9. How come I have to use a wire to charge my wireless devices? That’s not REALLY wireless. I want wireleast devices. (Yes, I know about charging pads.)
10. I wonder if Jim Kirk had to plug in his communicator at night to charge.
I am not in management anymore. I have no supervisory duties whatsoever in my government job. Therefore, that makes me a worker bee. No longer a leader or manager, no siree! I am Joe Lunchbox now. The Average American. Worker. Laborer. Labrador (retriever).
Woof!
Before you call me out on this, I’ll have you know that I happen to be a card-carryin’, paid-up member of a real, honest-to-goodness labor union. The Screen Actors Guild/American Federation of Radio and Television Artists is a LABOR union, listed as “… a proud member of the AFL-CIO,” The American Federation of LABOR and Congress of Industrial Organizations. Doesn’t get much more labor-y than the AFL-CIO. And I got a residuals check for $1.36 this year. That means I’m laboring or at least at some point I was laboring, right?
Right?
C’mon y’all, as Doctor Evil once so eloquently articulated, throw me a freakin’ bone, here!
Ok, so I am not on an assembly line, or holding one of those stop/slow road signs in a highway construction zone, and my labor is at a desk with a computer in air conditioned comfort. For the purposes of this discussion, please just this once think of me as the aforementioned Mr. Lunchbox.
Anyway, in anticipation of the three-day weekend and in celebration of Labor Day and all things laborious, here are ten things I like about Labor Day.
1. Three-day weekend. (That’s a no brainer.)
2. No more wearing white.
3. Sales! Sales! Sales!
4. Kids go back to school immediately afterwards.
5. Did I mention the three-day weekend?
6. Cooler fall weather is just around the corner.
7. Today, the Friday before the Labor Day weekend, which I may have mentioned is a three-day one, there’s practically no one in the office. It’s almost like having a FOUR-day weekend!
8. It’s not the end of the lawn mowing season yet, but I can see it from here.
9. When people say “Happy Labor Day!” to you they don’t sound as ridiculous as when they say “Happy Memorial Day.” There’s absolutely nothing happy about Memorial Day. Ever.
10. I can dupe the kids into taking out the trash on Monday because “all children are required by Federal statute to engage in labor on Labor Day.”
Wishing you all a terrific Labor Day weekend, which if you didn’t already know, is a three-day weekend.
I haven’t posted lately, so here’s #3 in a series of posts I’m going to make when I find some of these photographic blasts from the past. Some will be captioned, others will not. The only criteria for posting in this series is that:
a.) I’m in the photo or…
b.) … I took the photo.
Now six-year-old Nathan returning from his first day of Kindergarten in September, 2013. I hope his enthusiasm endures for all things academic.
Me and Mike Downs at the Grand Canyon of Saudi Arabia, circa 2001. Mike was the G-1 and I was the PAO of Army Forces Central Command – Saudi Arabia, a unit which no longer exists, to the best of my knowledge.
Left to right: Shawn Woodbridge, Jeff Keane, Yours Truly, and Jeff’s wife, Ethel Keane. We were celebrating something or other (probably Jeff’s promotion to colonel) at the Ritz Carlton’s Sunday brunch in 2003. Shawn was a major at the time but was recently promoted to colonel as well. So it turns out that there’s three of ’em in this photo after all is said and done.
Nate’s sixth birthday in 2013. We were at Nate’s choice of restaurant, Red Lobster, and Nate wanted to share something privately with his Mom, Beth.
Six-year-old Nate cued up “The Simpsons Movie” in the DVR the other day before departing on spring break for Ohio and it got me to thinking about all things Simpson. I remembered the earliest shorts on “The Tracey Ullman Show” on through the later episodes. Some were genuinely hilarious and at the beginning, it was cutting-edge, subervise television. The writing never ceased to be clever, intelligent and tight.
One episode I remembered that really got my attention and made me laugh was “Poppa’s Got a Brand New Badge.” Right before he goes to bed, Homer tells Marge, “I’ve had a lot of jobs in my life: boxer, mascot, astronaut, baby proofer, imitation Krusty, duck driver, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, body guard for the mayor, country western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart jerk, homophobe, and missionary, but protecting people, that gives me the best feeling of all.” It’s a very funny little bit and stops you dead in your tracks if you’re watching the episode. For me, it’s always been one of the more memorable scenes from a really great show.
This was the final episode of season 13 and they’re up to season 25 or some such thing. Imagine how many other jobs he’s had by now!
Anyway, I was wondering what my list would sound like. So here’s my list. I’m including the stuff I did for free, but that were still significant enough to say “It was my job.” There are some repeats because I did some jobs a few times.
Read it with Homer’s voice in your head. It’ll be a lot more interesting that way.
Musician
Stock boy
Sales clerk
Summer camp counselor
High school and college teacher
Fast-food cook
Fast-food sales clerk
Consumer electronic salesman
College deejay
ROTC cadet
Deejay
Assistant News Director
Radio TV Officer
Deejay
TV news anchor
Community theater actor
Platoon Leader
Radio and TV Station Manager
High school instrumental music teacher and conductor
Assistant Conductor of a military band
Commercial deejay again
Telecommunications officer
Company commander
Professional Actor
Community theater actor
Voiceover artist
Commercial deejay again
Electronic Media Officer
Public Affairs Officer
Security guard
TV master control operator
Instructor in computer subjects
Unit commander
TV network master control operator
Computer subjects instructor
Radio and TV Station Manager
Video tape operator
Public Affairs Officer
TV network master control operator
Computer subjects instructor
Supervisor, TV Network operations E!
Plans Officer, Army Public Affairs
Chief, Army senior leader support team
Chief of Staff
Staff Officer
Chief of Staff again
Deputy Commander
Retiree
Program Manager
Marketing Communications Specialist
